Early this morning, my bare feet slapping on the cold wood floors, I hurried down the hallway to the thermostat. The new one. The one the electrician installed with the wires backward.
It wasn’t so difficult figuring out that when the Heat setting produced cold air, it must be hot air resulting from the Cold setting.
Except, thermostats are the almost-sentient little machines designed to keep watch for us, anticipating our comfort needs, hanging there on the wall like little gargoyles grinning against the cold breeze. (The cold breeze was me passing by as I rushed back to bed to dive under the covers.)
Simple, isn’t it? If you want heat, simply set the thermostat to the left. Ooops, it’s not that simple. The little gargoyle, you see, believes that lowering the temperature is a request for a colder house. It doesn’t know a thing about crossed wires. Once the house is suffiently cold, as it was this morning, there was no need for any action.
Trickery comes into play. Pushing the lever further still, I convinced the little watchman that I wanted it colder than it was, and so – with wires reversed – the heater kicked on. And stayed on. And on. You see, once the thermostat understood I wanted it colder, it would keep trying and trying and trying to make the thermometer move that direction, producing heat to in a futile attempt to achieve the goal. Backwards.
In fact, if I had not tricked the thermostat this morning when I did, the house might have cooled below fifty degrees, the lowest setting on the dial. At that point, I couldn’t even trick it. I’d have to warm the house up enough to make the thermostat believe I wanted it cooler.
Confusing? It is as long as you think about it too long. Once the thing is understood, starting and stopping it is a cinch – although anything but automatic.
It makes me think about the government, and the dilemma certainly facing a number of well-intentioned lawmakers who understand the system but lack the tools or personnel to affect a change.
Until that point, trickery, reversing actions, and constant vigilence are among the few solutions to a crossed-wire system.