Some things you just don’t want to hear. The kid pleading with Shoeless Joe Jackson to deny that he took money to throw the 1919 World Series.

He said it weren’t so, over and over. Said it in a court of law and anyplace else someone might hear. A jury found him innocent. He did deny that a kid ever said such a thing to him. The story persists, mostly among old-timey baseball fans. You whippersnappers are saying, HEY! Isn’t Say it ain’t so a song by Weezer? To which we reply, HEY! Isn’t Weezer an old guy with allergies so bad he can’t blow the germs off the corndog he just dropped in the dirt?

Food Network Magazine reports that 25% of chefs they surveyed admitted to cooking something that had been dropped on the floor. I worked in a bicycle shop that was kept so clean I might have eaten off the floor. Restaurant floors? I don’t think so. I’d never heard of the five second rule until I owned a restaurant (supposedly, if a dropped item was picked up before five seconds passed, it was still clean. Germs being pretty slow and all). I’ve seen people blowing on their dropped item, using that sterilizing exhale technique, but it’s not for me.

I didn’t even let my restaurant employees JOKE about a five second rule. A good reputation is earned over time but lost in an instant. (Sort of like paychecks at the Cherokee Casino.) The price of something dropped isn’t worth the cost of goodwill lost. It applies to more than just restaurants and dropped food. Speaking of Goodwill, that’s where they should drop off that that creepy plastic-headed royal racing around in the Burger King commercials, Talk about a dying ad campaign. Would you like flies with that?

I’d like to hear the ad agency exec pitching some of the ideas that get made into commercials. “It’s going to be great! We’ll have a giant yellow bumblebee with dark menacing eyes and a Spanish accent. He’s wingless, sort of, and kinda hovers around stoked up on mometasone furoate monohydrate. You’re gonna LOVE it!”

The voice? Say it ain’t Antonio…

Get in the ad men mood (no Weezer though):