Author: admin (Page 198 of 220)

…not to make that face, because it would likely get stuck that way. That was a long, long time ago. I was starting to make a face for some reason over the weekend and felt a muscle cramping up. My God! She was right!

I quickly pushed every facial muscle back where it ought to be and held my breath for just a second or two, before exhaling a sigh of relief. I thought she had been kidding.

She told me, when I was in high school and using the floor hangers for my clothes, that I’d better pick things up, or I’d end up breaking my leg. It was actually the anterior cruciate ligament, but we both knew the difference was merely academic as she happily drove me to the emergency room. I had tripped in the dark on a cast-off shoe.

As a result, I have a new sympathy for those big football players writhing on the astroturf alternately grabbing their knee and pounding the carpet. I’ve never caught a touchdown pass, but I have squirmed on the rug in pain. Pretty close to NFL in my book.

Of course, not all of the motherly advice can be looked upon as factually-based in experience. She also taught me to look both ways before pulling the car out into traffic – some time later I learned that her own practice is to close both eyes and invoke the guardian angels. Whatever works, I suppose.

I have found that morning traffic requires the help of the angels. Between those still waking up and others stoked on six or seven cups of coffee, the average rate of speed on a major streets ranges from six miles-an-hour to fifty-eight. And that’s just in the school zones. The traffic grid is just an accident waiting to happen, which is what momma knew all along.

And that’s why we change our underwear everyday, cause ya just never know…

When someone says “You sound just like your mother!”:

Is Your Name Famous?